Choosing Hope

I have a very strong intuition that every thing is exactly as it's suppose to be and that regardless of what the outcome is, it will be the right outcome ultimately. May sound a bit srange to some. Even with no guarantee I am feeling that this is a necessary step in my evolution.
With my focus now on my inner world I find that
My intuitions are become stronger each day. As are my daughter Stephanie's, and now my Grandsons. Cursed and blessed we all are.

I read an online article today. It explained how in certain x-rays of the chest taken immediately after an EKG test, there may be trace amounts of glue containing Metals that adhere to the skin and cast the appearance of a poorly defined density nodule on the x ray itself. I had an EKG and immediately had a chest X-ray within minutes of having very sticky
Leads removed. So my question now it, could the poorly visible lung abnormality, only
present of the frontal view,Be a result of some left over glue from the EKG lead?

I switched Primary Care Practices today.
All of the tests results that the old PCP had to report to Penn are complete and reported. I made sure of the before I switched.



I do not trust my care to the old practice. They were non supportive, and not in the least bit helpful in guiding me through this process. In fact, one young woman who relayed the MRI results to me by phone simply stated, You need to contact a Neuro Surgeon. When I asked for a referral name , she said .....Use Google!.
All of the process of selecting a surgeon and all of the phone calls concerning an appointment and getting copies if my test results fell onto my hands.
Today the final tests results where sent to Penn and I could wash my hands of the incompetent practice!
The new Internist will see me for a full " get to know you and about you visit" the Monday before surgery. She will then be my local go to person. She came with great recommendations and I feel very good about her already.
My BP has been staying in a pretty good place. Usually about 120/76. I know that the surgeon would like to see it even a bit lower, but with all I am dealing with, I think that is a pretty stellar number.
The nerve impulses and weird symptoms are increasing a bit. I think that is probably because I have more time spent quietly therefore notice it more.
I guess what is most bothersome to me is the possibility of not being the same person after surgery. I rally have a hard time wrapping my head around that.
Now if there are changes and they are positive....such as , I could be happier,less tense, more implusive, laughed more , enjoyed more silly things......and I was not as serious minded as I have been for my first 58 years....we'll I would really be OK with changes like that!
If I wake up, look at my IPad and say " What is that?" ......well that would be a bad thing.
Tony has a fear that I may not remember who he is. I suggested he start the video series of who he is right away just like in the movie , First 50 Dates....because I can't make him any promises!
Recovering in 2-3 months is OK with me. But if I am in the 1-2 year group.....well that does not fit into my timeline.
Oh well...? I choose Hope. I choose spending the next 30 years enjoying more and working less. I choose laughing everyday. I choose learning to live in a house that may not be immaculately clean every day. I will give up my obsessive need to control........Hell I already have.