A Bumb in the Road

Yes, I admit.....I have been feeling over-stressed, over worked and some days generally unwell....But the MRA/MRI report told a story that I wouldn't have ever guessed in my wildest imagination.
I have a Frontal Lobe brain aneurysm on my carotid artery, behind my left eye about the size of a very large grape. 12mm x18mm. In the world of brain aneurysms that is considered LARGE!
Now the reason for the MRI in the first place was to put my mind at ease and rule out things like MS and tumors since my symptoms were so scattered and weird. But knock me over with a feather......I instead have an aneurysm. Up until this happened I didn't even know how to spell the word aneurysm without spell check. Now it is engrained into my vocabulary as a word that I can spell.
So according to my very handsome and friendly Neuro Surgeon, Dr. Peter Le Roux of Penn Medicine, my statistics for survival of the next 10 years are much better with surgery than without.
This is most likely a congenital defect that I have had since birth. It has been growing for a long time and needed to reach a certain size before it produced symptoms alarming enough for me to request testing.
In fact, Dr. Le Roux seems to feel that having discovered this before it ruptured is in fact a blessing. Statistically only 50% of people with ruptures survive and of those who do, recovery is a very long road with usually some impairments.
So my job..... Stay calm ( with the help of meds! )keep my blood pressure down, and make to the surgery date with an unruptured aneurysm. If I can do that , then he can do the rest. Sounds simple enough?
Well I have not mastered my part of that bargain yet. I am not calm.....I am not in control of my Blood Pressure, and I am Fucking Terrified!
But I will spend the next 20 days doing my best to give him a stable patient.
i have always been a little psychic. Just psychic enough to see the big picture at times when other could not, and just psychic enough to have a vision of a plane crash before it happens. Or in the case of last month, seeing a vision of airplanes with tears in their cabins. But I have never been psychic enough to have enough info to use what I see or enough info for this gift/curse to be of any value.
For the most part, thee visions have only managed to cause pain and despair for me. So hopefully this syrgery will either take away this ability altogether or allow me to see all I need to be purposeful.
Tony's request is that the surgeon stimulate the lobe that increases my sex drive! LOL! The surgeon said he could do that but it would cost extra!
Anyhow, I can only de-stress in one way know.....Blogging. My gym membership has been suspended for 90 days ( That is an optimistic timeline) and screaming and crying with wall punching will put me in harms way. So Blogging it is!