Multi-Tasking.....Ouch!

I have come to a realization this past week. Why it has taken me so long to get here is a mystery, now that I am aware.
Multi-Tasking is dangerous to your Health!
How very busy all of our lives seem to be. I am always working on a "Self Imposed to Do List".
I was intent on staying In the Moment, Focused and Calm as well as multi-task at almost every given Moment.
As I felt the knot in in my stomach or the heart palpitation, I would stop for a brief second and re-focus myself....Calm, Breathe Meditate. Then right back to "Business at Hand".
The need this past week for an ultrasound (Abdomen) and feeling under the weather for the past three weeks gave me pause to look at how I was responding to the things presented to me on a moment to moment basis.
Through that observance, I have discovered that Multi-Tasking is the thing that definitely needs to go.
My life went like this....I am at work but part of me is elsewhere. I am at home and while doing one task I am thinking of the others or worse yet, doing three or four at the same time. I am out, supposedly to relax, and I am thinking of what is waiting for me to finish at home or at work.
I started to feel as if everything is being accomplished in fragments and quite truthfully, I was finding no Joy in anything that I was doing.
Yes, I did stay above water with my daily Meditations and spending time "In it, But Not of It". But it really was starting to feel VERY MUCH NOT RIGHT.
Then during one of my meditation sessions it became very clear to me. My Intent is to Honor and Bless each Moment. Multi-tasking is not congruent with this intent.
To Honor each Moment, I must be Present in it. Whether it be doing a load of laundry or meeting with a client. Clear and present in each Moment means Honoring the Action of the Moment and giving it the time it needs to be complete.
I knew this! I have always known this. Why did I forget? I realize that part of my forgetfulness is also a result of multi-tasking.
Where are my car keys?
Why did I walk into the kitchen?
What happened to the pair of shoes I wore yesterday?
Did I return that phone call?
Why is the milk under the sink and the dish soap in the refrigerator?
I am not losing it. I am not sick. (All the tests came back normal) I was afflicted with an ailment called "Multi-tasking". But no more.
My intent is to not only Honor the Moment, but to Honor the Action in that Moment and allow that action to receive my full Blessing....One action at a time.
My head feels clearer and my heart feels lighter already!

Customer No Service

Just How Bad Can Customer Service Get?

I had the strangest experience today.
My little Acer Computer was in need of repair. The fan had become quite noisy. It is still under warranty, so I sent it to the repair facility in Texas a few weeks ago. All went well and this past Tuesday I received an e-mail from the company stating that my computer was repaired and on its way back to me.
As promised, it was delivered early this evening by Fed Ex. I received two boxes instead of one, but both were in my name and address so I signed for them, took them indoors and promptly opened them. To my surprise, each box held an Acer Computer. So sitting in front of me now were two identical computers.
The first thought I had was that possibly my computer was not repairable so the company had returned it and replaced it with a new one. As I opened the computers to view them I quickly saw that each computer had a letter inserted into it describing the repair and addressed to the owner.
One computer was mine; the other belongs to a man in Tennessee
I located the customer service 800 # and called the company to tell them of the error.
The first person that I spoke to is a technician.He could not seem to comprehend what I was telling him. He asked over and over again, “Lady, you sent in one and we sent you two?”
Although I confirmed this as ”Yes,That is Correct” over and over, I got no information from him as to how we could fix this error , so I asked for a customer service rep. He tells me, “We only have one department here and this is it”. He then puts me on hold for 5 minutes. When he returns to the phone he asks again, ”Are you sure you received two?”
“YES I AM SURE ,I AM LOOKING RIGHT AT THEM.” I am now getting a wee bit testy. I did not know that my good deed would cause this much exasperation and I have had a long week and I am hungry and need a glass of wine and this idiot thinks that I am Joking!
“Hold on” he states again and there I am back on hold for 5 more minutes. When he returns, he asks me to read him the serial # on the computer not owned by me. Having already packed it back up ( I was expecting a quick phone call, a Fed Ex call tag and pick up and not a one hour project)I proceed to unwrap and open the box for thr second time. I read him the serial #. Back on hold again……10 minutes this time.
A different person comes back on the line this time. A young man, who seemed to have all the experience of a 19 or 20 year old. He is upset. Seems that the seriousness of the situation is apparent now that they have most definitly cross referenced the serial # and they now know that I am in possession of a computer that is not mine. But most importantly, they realize that they shipped it to me and someone, somewhere is waiting for their computer to be returned as promised.
So the young man has a sense of frantic in his voice and now he is proceeding to tell me what I have to do to solve his problem.
I have to pack up the computer, drive seven miles to a Fed Ex Office (he will provide me with the address) Pay to have it shipped back and I will be reimbursed as soon as they receive it.
I am speechless….. But only for a split second. Then the wrath of “You put me through all of this for the past 45 minutes” became words sternly and loudly spoken back into the phone.
I say to him
“ I am not driving seven miles to drop off something that you sent me by mistake, Schedule a pick up at my home and send Fed Ex to me with a call tag”.
“I cannot do that “ he states “YOU will need to drive it there. They are open until 9PM”.
“I DON’T THINK YOU GET IT”, I shout”I RECEIVED AN EXTRA COMPUTER,DELIVERED TO ME,IN MY NAME,AND AS A PERSON WITH INTEGRITY,I CALLED YOU IMMEDIATELY SO THAT YOU COULD RETRIEVE IT AND GET IT TO IT’S PROPER OWNER. YOU WILL NEED TO SEND A CALL TAG, BECAUSE THAT’S AS FAR AS I GO IN CORRECTING YOUR ERROR.I HAVE NO INTEREST OR TIME TO DRIVE TO A FED EX CENTER.I AM A BUSY PERSON AND I KNOW THAT SENDING FED EX TO ME WITH A CALL TAG IS A SIMPLE PROCESS FOR YOU TO DO. MY COMPANY DOES IT ALL THE TIME.
“Lady”, he says, I will get that computer back one of two ways. You will either do as I say and drive to a Fed Ex center or I will call the police and have you arrested and they will return it to us.”
I could not believe what I had just heard. I thought that he was young and probably inexperienced, but sending the police. “Did I hear you correctly?” I ask. You are threatening to send the police if I don’t drive to a Fed Ex Center with your mistake?”“Oh Please! Send the police! “ I say as I hang up on him. I am now having a fit of laughter.
So, the second Acer Computer is still in my possession. If it is not picked up in 7 days I’ll put it on Ebay! Any Bidders?
Oh, and by the way.If you hear that I am in jail for refusing to work for the Acer Company for free....Give me a few days to catch up on my sleep and then bail me out!

An Unwilling Participant

I believe that I have been an unwilling participant in an experiment to catalog the undesirable affects of Sun deprivation on human beings.
This experiment has been going on since late March and it looks as if it will continue for at least the next few weeks.
To date, the most commonly noted side affects to this experiment have been
· Paleness of the skin
· Frizzy and unruly hair
· A constant need for stimulating drinks
· The desire to nod off at the most inopportune times..like during a conversation.
· The strong desire to jump back into my bed as I make it up each morning.
· A slight, but annoying pain in my lower back.
· Yawning as soon as I sit down
· A “creak” in my neck when I turn it from side to side.
· Forgetfulness…Especially if it requires movement
· A nagging cough
· Craving sweet treats
· The need to shield my eyes from light bulbs over 60 watts
· Depression, knowing that as each sunless day slides by, winter is one day closer.
· Reduction in the quality of sleep
· Irritability , especially when I think that it is already June 15
· Inability to complete tasks that have more than 2 steps
· Decreased creativity, my vocabulary is suffering the most.
· Loss of interest….in anything that involves getting off of the couch after 6PM
I am considering a complete and total boycott of this experiment.
I am thinking about a week in the Bahamas. I know it isn’t the best time for travel in that part of the world, what with hurricane season and all. But I am willing to take my chances.

Expedia.com

Here I come!

Whispers in the Night

Whispers in the Night

It happened again last night, just as I was about to fall asleep. A voice, Plain as Day and very loudly, said something to me. I awoke with a start. It had only spoken three words. But the quickly I could not remember what the words were. I lifted my head from the pillow and looked around the bedroom. I half expected to see someone standing there but of course there was no one.
I laid my head down again and tried very hard to remember the three words that I had heard. I could not.
My husband and I both hear music playing late at night on some nights. He will say to me
, “Do you hear that?”And I will verify that I hear it also. He will describe the rhythm or beat and I will confirm. I guess if we had neighbors nearby this would not be so unusual. But we do not. And when the music plays, it seems to come out of our heat and A.C. vents.
Oh, and did I mention the doorbell? It is the doorbell on the side of our home that has a life of its own. It is a wireless doorbell. Battery Operated. We have changed to a new model twice now in an effort to stop the anonymous ringing. But it continues anyway. The funny thing is….all three door bells that we have chosen have had one chime option only. Yet when it chimes anonymously it has an entirely different melody! Strange but true.
We have now accepted the anonymous ringing of the doorbell. In fact, it has been happening so many years now that when we hear the anonymous melody we do not even attempt to answer the door. Friends and family have accepted it as well. If we are in their company when this happens we all laugh and remark, ”The ghost is here again”.
And then of course there are the lamps. We have had one or two turn on without assistance on a number of occasions.
Now I know what you are thinking! Faulty wiring??
Well we have had that checked although the house is only 12 years old. All is well. And remember , the doorbell is wireless.

So, I am quite accustomed to strange things happening. They seem to follow me where ever I am. It has been that way since I was a child.
My best recollection is of my dog “Penny”
A little black terrier that I loved very much. Penny was the family pet. But she was very attached to me. She would sleep with me, all curled up in the nook that my knees made as I slept on my side.
She was just tall enough to walk under a lawn chair and tickle your backside! In those days our lawn chairs were webbed nylon material on an aluminum frame. We would sit on our front porch and Penny would go underneath, back and forth, tickling us and making us giggle like crazy. It was a game that we played over and over on many a summer evening.
Funny thing is….Penny continued to do this and sleep in my bed for many years after her death.
I did not find this odd. I really just considered it normal. So I guess that is why I can hear loud voices speak to me at night and I don’t jump out of my skin.
As I understand more and more about Quantum Physics, I am beginning to grasp some knowledge in the flow of energy. After all it is all energy. We just recognize it in a way that is familiar to us.

I responded to the energy last night. I sent a thought of my willingness to listen if it wanted to try again. It did not respond. I guess I should have been paying more attention the first time!
Oh well, there will be other opportunities.
And of course the doorbell is a weekly reminder.

All That I Know

All That I Am

I Am in this Moment

No more, No Less

Simply what I AM

Floating Away

Moment floats like

A glorious bubble

On a spring day

Made full from pure breathe

Of a child at play

Breathe contains Seeds

Of All that May Be

Pregnant Potential

Transparent inside

Creating Me

Saturday, February 28, 2009
Put me in water and I get inspired to write!

Strong Intuition has always been a big part of my life. Even as a very young tot, I remember “knowing” and sensing many things in my surroundings and interactions with others. I could “play” my mother to the 10th degree!....
But somehow I knew she possessed the same skills and was interacting with me in the “game”.....
I have almost always followed my intuition. Even when my left brain sent out warning signals. Some would say that was not always a good plan.....
I even, at times, thought it may not be the best choice. But in retrospect, I now see that my life up to this very moment has been “Perfect”.....
Perfect is the new word that my grandson uses all the time. When I ask him if his food is good, he replies “Mommom, it is Perfect!” When I ask him if he likes his toy. He has the same reply. He is living in the world of perfect. I love it. ....
Last Wednesday evening, he described everyone that he knows by a color. He told me that I was yellow, his mommy was red, his daddy was blue, his G-Mom was green and he was Purple! I asked him how he knew and he said, “ I know it when I look at you.” Interesting?....
Well, Yellow is good as far I am concerned. Yellow is Light. I am LightRae.....
It works.....
Back to intuition….It has taken me down the most glorious paths. It has always provided the answers that I needed. It has provided the lessons to become who I am today. Who I am today is an awesome person. Full of and overflowing with Love. So connected to the Power that Be that I am living in a state of constant gratitude.....
But even so, I can feel the struggles of those around me. ....
What can I share? ....
How can I help? ....
Maybe nothing and maybe not at all.
But I am strongly compelled to write this blog. So I am following my intuition.
....
Quiet your heart, soul, and mind Dear One’s.
Everything that you need is within you.
Do not look for the answers “Out There”. ....
Be Clear on What you desire.....
Send it to your Soul as an Intention. ....
Keep that intention in your Mind.
It is your brain and you control it.
If you do not think that you have control over your brain and thoughts,
then I ask you...
Who or what does?...
Think of your intention before you make any chooses about any situation.....
Are the chooses that you are making bringing you closer to your intention or driving you further away from it’s creation in the physical world?....
Then Watch the Universe in all of its magnificent glory conspire to speed you to your intention!....
It is that simple.....
We, as human beings, make it hard.....
You are not controlled by your past.
You are being beckoned by your future.
What does your future look like to you?

Form that wonderful picture in your mind.Then go to it. Lightspeed.
....
Did you read this blog and feel it was meant for you?....
Maybe it was.
It is the Universe Calling.....

Stopping to smell the roses

I never wrote a blog from my Blackberry before but here goes it now. I am babysitting my grandson,who is happily watching Max + Ruby on T.V.I have been so busy lately. I have been working longer hours and spending most of my weekends catching up on all of the other things that seem to always need to get done. Seasons have a way of silently slipping away...Summer already gone. It was quick, that's for certain. I realized today that the close of 2008 is right around the corner. That's when I took a deep breath and told myself to slow down and look around. The glory of the season of Now is right here and I am rushing through it. Where am I going so fast?I am hearing myself say, I will do this or that when I have more time for myself. I don't want to get caught up in that trap again. All any of us really have is Now. So...I am taking some time to look around. Some time to feel the vibrant colors of the season touch my soul. Some time to sleep an extra 15 minutes.have a second cup of coffee,smell the roses. Fill myself up first so that I have something of myself to give with Love.

Aug. 2008

A Miracle

I had my yearly cardiology check up this past week.
As I was in the process of the "pre Examination" with the nurse, I mentioned that I had discontinued one of the two prescription medications that I had been taking the previous 5 years. She inquired why?? And I explained that I am very aware of my health and how I feel and that I found that I actually felt better the days that I "forgot" to take it. So after carefully checking my blood pressure and pulse rate without it, I had made the decision that I did not need it to be or feel well. Of course this all went into my chart…..She proceeded to do an E.K.G. and really did not have to much more to say.
The cardiologist arrives in about 10 minutes. She is about my age and very open and friendly. I have always felt very comfortable with her.
She reads the nurses note first. She looks at me and asks," Why did you stop taking your medication? I reply,"Because as I became well, my blood pressure stayed too low while I was taking both medications." "Did you check it often?" she asked. "Every week", I replied.
She approached me with the blood pressure cuff and proceeded to take a reading.
"This can not be right", she exclaimed. "Why, what is it", I asked. "100/60, Pulse rate 52", she replied. She pumped it up again. "Do you feel dizzy or light headed", she asked. "No" I replied, "I feel well".
She was very quiet as she meticulously checked my heart and lungs, my neck and ankles, my pulse….Then she took a look at my E.K.G. strip.
"This is Perfect" she exclaimed." It couldn't be any better. What do you attribute the changes to?" "Attitude, Perception and lifestyle", I replied. "I have lived a vegetarian lifestyle for almost a year now. I have made a decision to be the force in charge of my well being. I listen only to my inner self. It has served me well".
"Well…she began, I know that all of that is important, but you must remember that your condition is congenital and is still there in spite of how well you feel and you are still predisposed to have symptoms………….As she went on and on about what the textbooks say about what I "Supposedly Have",……… I turned my mind back into the warm, fuzzy place that I can go to in a blink and calmly blessed her for her concern and thanked her silently for being there ,as a strong comforting presence five years ago when I needed her strength.
I finished my blessing as she finished her reminders.
She looked at me and smiled. She said," I have a number of vegetarians in my family". I believe that has great value. I know attitude is important as well. I know that you are well... You are better than I have ever seen you. What ever it is that you are doing, keep doing it. I will also suggest that you cut your remaining medication in half. You do not seem to need that entire dose. I will let you decide how much to take. Keep listening to your body. I will see you in a year.
She had a big smile on her face as she left the room.
She is a partner in my healthcare and not a director. She knows that and is comfortable in that position. That is why I love her.
That is why she will continue to be my doctor and I will be her first patient to not have symptoms from this condition.
I will keep her Amazed

The Latest Lesson

I went to that place again last night.
The place that I go when I sleep that is not a lucid dream. It is something more. It is always a trip to expand and learn. I can not explain how I get there. I can not explain wherever it is. All that I know is that I have been to numerous locations all with the same feeling. The feeling of being in a classroom or university campus. The feeling of only one purpose and that is to learn how to get to the next step.
This time it was a seminar. There were groups of people present. Each group had its own seminar room. All seminar rooms had doors that opened to the street. When we had a break and went outside, the street looked like any downtown street in any large city. Traffic and all.
My group was the "Seeing Clearly "group. We were all given five pairs of "seeing apparatus" when we arrived. We were instructed to "Take care of them" and learn which pair gave us the "clearest vision". One pair looked like a scuba mask with glass lenses.
Within a few minutes I had dropped that one and the lenses had broken. It was then my responsibility to acquire new lenses or have those repaired. None of this was spoken to me. At this seminar we communicated without speaking.
I am already feeling uneasy. But I am here to learn and will try my best. I know that I was in the process of having my lenses repaired somehow.
We had a break and when out onto the sidewalk to get a breathe of fresh air and relax.
I noticed the other doors opening and the people from the individual seminars coming out onto the sidewalk.
Each group was unique. One group was in very high spirits. They were laughing and dancing and gave off such a vibration of fun. I went closer to explore them a little.
I see my mother in this group. She appears to be about 30 years old. This is the age that she always appears to me now.
She does not notice that I am present. She is joyful and laughing with a gentleman that appears to be about 85 years old. I am not surprised by this. In fact I have no feeling concerning it one way or the other.
When the break is over, I decide to join this seminar instead of the original one that I had been in. I want to speak to the older gentleman that I saw my mother with.
I enter the room and quickly find him. I sit down next to him and start to question him.
I am not upset, only curious. I ask him about my mother. He does communicate with me, but I do not remember what he said. In the next second, my mother is standing beside me and she communicates to me. She is "stern". She says,"Do not inquire of me, I am as you. I do not need your interference".
Wow! Like a slap in the face actually. She walks away and the old man says, "Here we just "Are". I knew exactly what he was implying. It was a feeling not a statement. Her spirit was not my earthly mother.
The old man communicates to me..
"Say exactly what you feel and mean exactly what you say. 'Clear 'will make it happen quicker."
I start to raise back into consciousness and my bed. I wake up sobbing. I am still shaken.
I have a feeling though that this again is all about "Honoring and respecting the journey of others on the path. Not interfering with what their experiences should be.
Giving up that urge to rescue anything that crosses my path and is involved in their own struggle."
Not turning my back on those in need of assistance, but "minding my own business".
Knowing that things are working out for me in a bigger way than are indicated in my day to day existence and experiences.
Trusting……..

4th of July
Memories....

When I was a child, in the 1950s and early 1960s, our 4th of July celebration was an all day event.....
Mom would start preparation a day or two ahead.....
Potato Salad, pickled eggs & beets, macaroni salad, assorted homemade pies, creampuffs, and of course a fruit salad.....
We would be so excited to rise early from our beds and get ready for our "family picnic".....
Into the car we would all go with all of the aforementioned food plus a barbeque grill with real charcoal and lots of hamburger, hotdogs, condiments and fresh corn.....
We would drive a few miles to a secluded grove which was located close to a water dam called "Mud Run".....
This natural grove was large enough to set up picnic tables and chairs as well as a badminton net. Close by was a stream, one of many, that fed the dam. This stream had clear clean water and lots of smooth surface rocks. It was our private wading area and I remember plenty of slip and slides on those rocks but I do not remember ever getting hurt.....
The rest of our extended family would arrive as well. There was my mother's oldest sister, Aunt Mabel, and her entire family which consisted of sons and daughter in laws and grandchildren.....
During some years there were 30 or more people present at a time.....
The grandchildren were only a few years younger than I and gave me lots of friends to play with along with my younger brother.....
My cousin Audrey was the youngest of Mabel's children and was just a few years older than my older brother.....
What is so vivid in my memory is the laughter.....
The ladies would tell stories that in my young mind I could not really understand, but it always ended with hearty laughter from the entire group, so of course all the children laughed happily as well. ....
Wonderful food….....
Seeing my father and the other male relatives lighting the grills and cooking the burgers and hotdogs under the careful instruction of the "woman".....
Opening up the many ice chests laden with numerous salads fruits and goodies.....
Hearing my mother say," Get the Potato salad and Macaroni Salad out of the sun", at least 10 times.....
Playing badminton with everyone joining in and laughing until we were in tears!
At the end of the busy day, packing up the car and driving home to watch the local fireworks show from our sidewalk,where we lined up all the folding chairs.
( but the "lucky kid" got to sit atop of the U.S. Mail Collection box which was at our corner)
Wonderful fireworks! The dog running around us all! The adults relaxing and supervising the children (us) with our sparklers and smoke snakes! Lightening bugs everywhere! A clear, star filled sky! And all was safe and well in our world.
What cherished, happy memories!....
How simple yet life transforming such treasured events can be.....
Our celebrations went on at least twice a year in that simple grove for many years.....
Of course, as we became teens and started to pull away from such things, the custom slowly faded into just memories.....

Very lucky children were we….....

Memories like these are priceless.....

June 3,2007

I lost my mother today. She left this world and now I am the senior generation of my family. I am lost and strong at the same time/ It is the most unrealistic and the most realistic moment of my life.I am tired. It has been a challanging 9 years since my fathers' passing and my mothers decision to expediate her way to join him.She made the decision that life without him was not worth it to her and started the process of creating many dis eases within herself even before his body was lowered into the ground.

Watching the last nine years of her life has been the most difficult time that I have ever experienced. It is also nine years that I will never forget.

I will rest now. I will re-focus on my life path now. I am released from the quest to keep her here. She was victorious.

I will reclaim my life.

Sunday, November 04, 2007
To Honor My Mother
Michelle,Nikki & I attended a church service this morning in memory of all members who had passed away this last year.
My Mother was one of those souls remembered.
As Michelle and I placed a single red rose on the alter in her memory, I felt her spirit fill the church and knew in my heart that she was there with us.
Nana, We all Love & Miss You

November 04, 2007
What I know for sure
The only thing that I know is that nothing ever stays the same.

I've come to realize that our ability to adapt to "change" is very connected to our state of "Being" and our overall state of health.
Emotions and feelings are capable of creating intense joy,

but also capable of creating intense discomfort.
I have experienced both today.

November 05, 2007
If Thought is Energy....
If thought is Energy & energy is the catalyst of creation and is creation,

Then my energy thought today is.......
To "Let go" of unproductive & negative thoughts as quickly as I can. On a planet with contrast, I may never cease having unproductive thoughts.
My strength is the ability to choose "Letting Go" and instead re-focus myself on a thought of Love and abundance in all that is Positive.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Tuned in & turned on.
I have definately learned a life lesson today.
I can be "tuned in" but not not "turned on".Which means that I can learn all kinds of things about creating my reality but if I am not open to receiving the things that I desire then I am not Tuned in.
Just like a radio station broadcasting 24/7, if I am not on that channel I am not receiving the broadcast.
The more that I learn, the more basic life gets.
What a joy that is in itself!

Thursday, November 08, 2007
Resistance to a new me.
Each day I try to connect with a New Me.
New, because there is only now.Time seems to be only a buffer so that things don't happen all at the same time.
Seems to me most days that it has all been already.
That is why I need to create a New Me every morning. If only everyone I contact on my daily journey could understand that my "Me" is always a few seconds ahead of reality.
Intuition can be challanging when,like me,you really do not know how to use it.It's like flashes of the whole story when your only half way through the book.
I guess the resistance is one me with the other Me.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Expectation and Allowing
What I Learned Yesterday
I need to be Clear with what I Expect and Want.
So this morning as I came awake from my nights rest, I Meditated on this.
I said:
I want & expect to have joyous harmonious relationships today with those I encounter.
I want & expect to have a Strong & Healthy Body.
I want & expect to be Energy Abundant.
I want & expect to have Abundant Money.
I want & expect to give and recieve positive energy with those I meet.
I want & expect to feel youthful and limber.
I Allow all these wonderful things to come to me through the Love of the Universe and I will accept them with Graditude & Thankfulness.
Then...

I Hopped out of bed and walked into the bathroom with absolutely NO morning pain or stifffness.
What Miracles, what Wonderful Love Power.
It is All There when We Start Remembering to Remember

Seem to be a little dizzy today.
Moving forward can create that effect.
I have aligned a bit more with"Me".
Some of the pressure has been lifted.
It is not a matter of "When I have time , I will do that"
It is a matter of "Just do it now". Sounds a little like a Nike commercial.
I guess I have come to the realization that there is nothing to "wait for".
Oh...all that not so wonderful "Conditioning" fallling away like snowflakes.
"My History" would be proud to know that in this ever expanding universe, I can only expand myself.
I believe from their vantage point they understand completely and are applauding with joy!

What Miracles, what Wonderful Love Power.
It is All There when We Start Remembering to Remember

Monday, November 12, 2007
In Fragile Human Form

If onlyI would not have to feel the pain of losing those I loved

If only I could let the memories fill me with Love instead of Grief

If only Suffering did not exist

If onlyTime really Healed all

If onlyI could Stay in the Present moment until my self could

handle the events of the Past

If only,,,,,,,

Friday, November 09, 2007
Moving at the Speed of Life Current mood: impressed Category: Life
Seem to be a little dizzy today.
Moving forward can create that effect.
I have aligned a bit more with"Me".
Some of the pressure has been lifted.
It is not a matter of "When I have time , I will do that"
It is a matter of "Just do it now". Sounds a little like a Nike commercial.
I guess I have come to the realization that there is nothing to "wait for".
Oh...all that not so wonderful "Conditioning" fallling away like snowflakes.
"My History" would be proud to know that in this ever expanding universe, I can only expand myself.
I believe from their vantage point they understand completely and are applauding with joy!


Thursday, November 08, 2007
Resistance to a new me. Category: Life
Each day I try to connect with a New Me.
New, because there is only now.Time seems to be only a buffer so that things don't happen all at the same time.
Seems to me most days that it has all been already.
That is why I need to create a New Me every morning. If only everyone I contact on my daily journey could understand that my "Me" is always a few seconds ahead of reality.
Intuition can be challanging when,like me,you really do not know how to use it.It's like flashes of the whole story when your only half way through the book.
I guess the resistance is one me with the other Me.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007
I never knew that I had so many feelings.
Most of my life has been so busy that I have not spent the time to "Feel" much. The only time I really experienced a feeling is when it felt extremely good or extremely bad.
That was when I lived "Faster Than Life", when my thoughts were always ahead of me somewhere in the future.
Now that I am "Living at the Speed of Life" , I am experiencing awesome feelings during many moments of my day.This is so much easier.This is "Centered & Anchored" in the Present.
It is only in the present that Creation happens. When you stay there it happens so often that it is as if you are living in a Miracle.
When I was very young I felt this way. I remember holding on to this Centered Grounded Flow of Energy even as I lived through my early twenties.
But somewhere along the way I started to "disconnect".
I don’t know exactly when. I think that was a process also. Other people’s influence and believe’s just seemed easier than holding on to my own truth.
I have no regrets. I truly believe that those life experiences made it clear to me as to what I did not want.
My "Energy Flow" is stronger now than before. It is as It was during my first Memory of Me, when I was 10 months old or so. Almost like a Re-Birth.
I have always been a "Giver".
I still will be.
....but now I realize that there is also Love in receiving.
My motto is to give & receive with Love.
But to give just a little more than you take.
That is one reason that now I am experiencing all of these positive feelings that I was too busy to notice before.
I am Present
I am Whole
I am Receiving Abundant...
Energy
Love
Health
Joy
I am Grateful

Thursday, December 13, 2007
Honoring Others’ Right to Their Own Path

I have been thinking about this for the past week or two.
Honoring Others’ Right
to their own path is harder than it seems.
I have been a Peace Maker and a "Fixer’ of all things.
When I am presented with someone’s problem, I have a strong desire to help them solve it. Whether it is an emotional need or a physical need.
Needless to say, this tendancy is exhausting at the very least, and harmful to my Health and Well being at the most.
I am focusing on the Art of Allowing.
Allowing those I interact with to find their own Path.
I am also focusing on the Art of Accepting.
Accepting that others may have their own Struggles. Accepting that I am not Appointed to Rescue them.
If I am asked for advice,I will share what I know.
If I am called upon to listen while another unburdens themself, I will Listen Quietly and not feel it is my job to "Fix It".Then I will Need to "Let It Go". I cannot keep it as part of me.
I have come a very long way on this Journey.
I now realize that Love is sometimes allowing others to experience their own discomfort. I am not a part of that discomfort and I will not Make it My Own.
So Please understand that as you experience my Growth, when I say No, it is not because I Love you Less. It it because I Love You More.
If we all take full responsibility for ourself and Know that We create our Own World and reality ,We can All be in a Better Place.
This is my My Thought and Wish for All.
To Find Their Better Place
To Experience the Power that is Available to us All.

Saturday, December 29, 2007
First Vegetarian Month

Well it has been almost a month since my decision to

eliminate meat from my diet.
I am actually surprised as to how easy it has been and how well I feel.The first week was spent tolerating alot of teasing from Tony. The second week, he actually tried temptation. The third week,he tried guilt ( that I would not be eating the same thing as him). Today, he commented that he thought that I was a very good person.
I think we may be over the hurdle now.
For now anyway , I am vegetarian with some lacto/ova. Although I mostly drink soy milk, I still have been using cream & butter.
I am hoping to find suitable subsitutes for dairy products.
My dreams have been very bizarre. I am quite comfortable with the dearly deceased communicating with me in dreams. It has always been that way. But now animals have been the predominent messengers of my dreams. Cows, Pigs, & chickens mostly. Conveying a message of gratitude and love.
The animals form a circle around me and surround me with waves of love energy and expression. I awake feeling very,very good about myself and my decision.
I know that I am responding to Spirit. I feel connected. It is the only way for me.Being true to myself is so amazing.
Less self absorbed.More universally focused. Only one person,but feeling as if the energy that I express is so much more positive.
Yes , One Act, One Person, one commitment, really does make a difference.
Thank You Spirit

Thursday, January 17, 2008
The Power of Words

Words are a powerful force.
An exchange of words can can be a powerful thing.
Words can make another feel better.
Words can make another feel bad.
Words can heal.
Words can cause grief.
Words can give great comfort.
Words can cause great pain.
Words can make you more understood.
Words can make you misunderstood.
Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that words are one of our most powerful tools.Miracles, if used correctly.
I have had encounters with the exchange of conversation that has totally drained me. Like a Vampire.
I have had encounters that lifted me, inspired me, and energized me.
And it was all due to what words were spoken.
The words of meaningful prayer and intention can heal the world.
A few words spoken in anger can break a heart.
I have felt them both.
I have been reassured.
I have been dismayed.
And it was all only words.
I earn my living because of the words that I speak.
I create my life from the words that I think.
Choose Your words carefully.
It is so much better "To Be Kind" than it is "To Be Right".

Cosmic Dance

Intermingling Energies
Intermingling Energies
Dancing thru the Light.
Entwined in Love Forever
Playfully Delight

Always One in Life
One beyond as well
Divinely intermingling
Where Source and LoveLight Dwell

Laughter and Ecstatic Joy
Free from Earthly Restraint
Dancing thru and around
Pure Light holds no complaint

Intermingling Energies
Not seen but Felt
When it Rushes Thru my Heart
My Earthly worries Melt

Always moving forward
Inspiration never ends
Providing a direction
Earthly Energies to tend.

So Complete, So made of Love
The Light will never End
To shine upon the hearts of those
Who knew them as Parent & Friend


In Honor of My Parents
Raymond & Doris
and their Spring Birthdays


Today I inhabit a new heaven and a new earth, awestruck at images and sensations that surround and uplift me. Looking again at where there seemed to be nothing, I watch in joy as my dreams come true. Today I hear the spirit of the ages through the culture of my times. Every corner I turn I meet with deep and moving depictions of Spirit expressing through my fellow godlings.
Today I own and Honor the choices I have made to take on the roles and responsibilities of my life and am grateful for my power to give my word and then keep it.

FOR THE HIGHEST GOOD
WHATEVER WILL BE, WILL BE.
I SURRENDER ALL
TO HAPPEN NATURALLY.

Sure takes a lot of pressure off of your day to day existance.
But it is "easier said than done".
For the greater good.
That is a power packed sentence.
It may be for the betterment of conditions that will not be seen by our eyes in the present incarnation.
It is the true testament of Faith. Faith in an energy that is working synergistically to evolve the Universe to a State of Being indescribable to the capacity of the human mind in our present state.
Out of the canoe. Going with the flow. Downstream. Not rowing. Not struggling.Just Being. And allowing everyone and everything to "just Be" as well.
What a relief!
Chop wood Carry Water
Chop wood Carry Water
Chop wood Carry Water

It all has the same level of meaning and importance.

Just "Being" and allowing the World to emerge.
Peace.

I can go there anytime that I choose.
Indescribable Joy.


Friday, June 06, 2008
New Beginnings

Today I choose a New beginning.
That is one of life's Miracles. A new beginning is available to any of us at any time.
What an incredible gift that is.
Today I will be kinder to myself. In that decision,the energy will increase for my capacity to be kinder to all others.
Today I will take a breath before I speak. Therefore what I have to say will be said with more forethought.
Today I will focus on Love when the little annoyances of day to day living present themself to me.
Today I will keep the thought in my mind that "I am the student as well as the teacher".
Today I will pay more attention to the people who serve me. The toll taker, the store clerk, the waitress. I will make meaningful eye contact. I will Thank them for their service. I will feel appreciation and gratitude.
Today, if I am interrupted by a question, I will patiently listen and appropriately respond.
I will stay in the moment and not allow the day and it's events to sweep me away. I am better than that. I deserve to stay centered.It is all a decision. Not a "Could I, but rather a "Would I.
As pure potential I can be whomever and whatever hats I chose to wear.
I Chose the Hat of Love.

Sunday, June 01, 2008
Things my Mother taught me.

Tuesday June 3, 2008 will be the one-year anniversary of my Mothers' Passing


It has been a year of tremendous growth for me.
My Mother was a human Being of deep faith.
Her faith was pure and simple. I did not fully appreciate her wisdom when she was alive, although I always knew in my heart that she was a very wise woman.
She taught me many things over the years. The most important things being the simple truism that she lived by.
For those of you who follow my blog, you already know that her death was not an easy one. However, in it there will be truth as well. The lessons that are to be learned are not yet apparent to me, but I know that they are there nevertheless.


THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME


Your body is the temple of the Lord.
Now that was one that I heard quite often, especially during the time of my life that I was a smoker.
I under stand it now.
I am a Being and my human form is my mode of transportation for this lifetime. It is important that I treat it well. I must feed it properly. Exercise it properly. Protect it from harm. It is a gift to be used to evolve my Being. The path may be longer than I think and there is not much worse than needing to finish your purpose and evolution in a malfunctioning or sick body.
This brings me to her second favorite saying.

If you have your health you can do anything you chose.

As a young healthy person, I would silently sigh when she said this. As a middle-aged person, I am starting to see, If not feel, her point. The tremendous amount of things that I could accomplish in my younger days is now getting noticeably less.
And a true favorite, even on the day that she passed.


This too shall pass.

She did not want to dwell on negativity. Whenever bad news came her way, she used this phrase. When pain made it hard for her to move, she used this phrase. Whenever she noticed worry cloud my face, she used this phrase.
The sting of her suffering and death are becoming bearable to me as I approach the one-year mark. It is testaments to her believe that "This too shall pass".

It is better to be kind than to be right.
Or as she use to say,"Turn the Other Cheek".

I know that I perceived this as I sign of weakness when I was younger. I know now that it is all about strength.
It is about Love for the Light that she saw in every person that she met in her walk though life. She had never studied the ego. She only knew innately that it was more important in the "big picture" to Love.
She knew the secret to a blend of humbleness and self-honor.
She did her best to teach it to her children. It was hard lesson to go into the world with, but time has caught up to her teaching.

Waste Not, Want Not.

Oh how we teased her. She was adamant about not wasting precious resources, not wasting money and not wasting food.
We told her that the Great Depression was over.
She would stay silent.
But in her heart she knew that there was only so much that a human being could enjoy at one time. Only one mouthful of food can be taken at a time. Bless what you have. Gratitude is the key to beingness.
It is only of late that I see the profoundness of this.
She lived each moment in gratitude. She gave thanks for every bite of food that went into her mouth.
She lived her life as a Prayer.
She was a true Goddess.
A Being of Light.
I Miss Her with all of my Heart.
I also know that she is inside of me.
She taught me well.
I Love You Mom



Please feel free to add your own memories.
My brother adds....

remembering mom
Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.
[Proverbs 3.5-6]

mom was a person whose faith sought expressions which were not only useful in life, but also made manifest the wisdom of the ages.

her faith was simple ... simple as in not complicated. it was a faith that suited her well.

her faith was a personal dynamic, in that it was near the core of her being and authentic with genuine integrity.

her faith was a public faith as she was always willing to share it, both in words with story and actions that revealed the depth and breadth of her trust in God.

her faith was her place of comfort and strength, in difficult and challenging times being the song her heart of hearts sang.

her faith reverberated in the space she shared with so many, in ways that were gentle and kind.

her faith was found in bible verses, prayers, and poetry ... many long in words ... yet fresh in her memory each day, even to the last.

her faith would often be spoken in these words from the book of proverbs, more often than not.

"i take life minute by minute," she would say, once that dad died and a "day by day" life was too much in a myopic world where challenges would grow ... both in number and intensity.

what does one do when they lose the love of their life ... with whom almost everything was shared for over 50 years?

how does one get through times of lose that include the failing of health with the onset of new illness compounded by life-long disease?

her answer was to trust in God with all that she could muster in each moment, having faith that in each thing there is a reason and a purpose, and allowing God to guide her path.

mom trusted until trust was no longer needed.

mom looked unto God until her pathway took another form ... another means ... another way.

mom believed that God would take care of her until she was completely in the hands of the Creating, Redeeming, Sustaining, Eternal One.

and, in those hands she now knows the fruit of her faith ... not a reward, as much as a fulfillment ... not a end, as much as a new beginning.

the fruit of her faith is also known by those whose life she shared ... whose days she blessed ... whose path she crossed.

mom was not perfect ... she was simply perfectly willing to do the best that she could in most things, at most times. and, in all of that those who knew and loved her found a person that was a stranger to life.

yes, she was a stranger to life in the sense that in mom you did not find the what one would expect ... there was not the all the pretense, or facade, or masks with which most people need to survive this world.

rather, mom had become a person in whom you got what you saw ... a small in stature but giant of faith person who was quick to let you know what she thought, while more quick to forgive and be forgiven.

through her life, her path was guided and directed ... more and more ... by the God she loved and served.

while never losing the feisty way of being who she was, the years brought her wisdom and an evolved walk with God where fear and worry were met in a patient and cooperative faith.

even though her heart was broken as a child ... in a way that no child should ever have to know a broken heart ... the broken became more whole, the hurt more healed.
even when left without her life-mate and her own health failing, the broken was finding wholeness, the hurt healing.

for day by day ... hour by hour ... moment to moment ... she would say the words that warmed her soul and cheered her heart:
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths."

Sunday, May 18, 2008
Which Nest Is It ??

Yesterday was a beautiful spring day.
I had been outdoors all morning with my grandson. He had been playing in the driveway with his new bike.
A weather front was moving in from the south and all of a sudden it became very windy. The wind continued for a few hours.
Tony called to me from our back patio. Apparently a baby robin had fell (or was blown)from it's nest and was now huddled under the server on our patio. It did not seem to be injured. in fact it was quite friendly. It chirped and approached me when I came onto the patio. It was not yet able to fly.It seemed as if it's wings were not developed enough yet.
We have many hawks circling overhead above our back yard. Hawks have been a daily occurence as this was farm land prior to being developed.
Tony was very concerned, as was I, but we had always heard the story about never touching a nest ,bird eggs or baby birds. We were told that if the parents detected human scent on the nest or babies that they would abandon them.
Another dilemma presented itself. There are three trees surrounding our patio and each one has a nest of robins in it. Even if we decided to put it back into a nest, which nest was it?
We talked about this for a few moments,while carefully watching over the baby bird. ( Who was now hopping around our feet chirping as if asking for help.)
We then noticed a pair of full grown robins closer to one of the trees. The robins were chattering madly and were very concerned about something.

I approached that tree and located the nest in it. Very carefully,I peered into the nest and saw two baby robins about the same size as the little guy on our patio. They were sleeping soundly.
I decided that the lesser of two evils was to try to put this very friendly baby robin back into the nest and this seemed to be the right nest.
I went indoors to wash my hands with vigor.I was hoping to remove any trace of my scent from them. I then took some paper towels and went back outdoors. I flipped the paper towel over to have a unscented side facing downward and gently dropped it over the baby bird. In a blink of an eye, I scooped it up and deposited it back into the nest while the two adult robins scolded me vigorously.
As soon as i got the bird back into the nest and moved away ,the two adult robins calmed down. Now the only question was "Is this the right nest?"
We checked on the nest a few hours later. the little guy was still in there and although it is a very crowded nest, all three were sleeping contently. The adults were back in the lawn pulling up worms and everything seemed back to normal.
Again this morning, I checked the nest. Still three babies and all content,so I am assuming at this time that it was the right nest and that they were not abandoned.
As I thought about this today, I thought about how it is such a metaphor for life.
We all have times when we are blown out of our nest.
We all have times when we long for someone to gently pick us up and give us another chance.
We all have times when we are not sure if the nest that we are in, is the nest where we belong.
And we have all have created nests' that were just a little to small to hold us.
I am praying for the little baby robin to stay safe until the day that it can safely fly away.
I am also praying for all of us to always feel the guidance that we need to direct us to the right nests' in life and pick us up when we fall out.
All is, as it should, be in our back yard today.


Sunday, May 18, 2008
Life Reflection
This is the week that my second,and youngest, daughter was born. Thirty three years ago!
What a joy she was and is.
She came into the world a full 4 weeks early, after a pregnancy of well being and high energy. Not even a day of morning sickness.
I believe that all of my high energy may have contributed to her early birth. I could not sit still!
I was caring for a home and a toddler and doing some outside gardening and light landscape work the day before she was born.
I went to bed early and was awakened by the first twinges of labor about 2AM. After an hour or so, I decided they were the real thing, and took my oldest to her Nana and Pap's house. I was on my way to the hospital by 3AM.
When I arrived and was examined by the Doctor, things went a little crazy.Everyone got excited and asks me if I could refrain from pushing until my OB-GYN arrived. I said yes.
He arrived, asked me for one big push, and ther she was. She gave a little cry, and away she went, to be placed in an incubater.
I was assured that she seemed healthy, but she was going to stay in the incubater for 48 hours to be sure.
Three days later,I was to leave the hospital and had still not been able to hold her. My OB-GYN came in to discharge me. He said that the pediatrician had also discharged her.
In a minute or so I was handed my baby for the first time, put into a wheel chair and wheeled to the exit to take her home.
Very confusing for a young new mother.
When we arrived home, her grandparents saw how tiny she was and immediately called the family doctor to make a house call to examine her. ( yes, in the 70s some doctors still made house calls!) He came, examined and deemed her to be small but in perfect health.She smiled at him that day. Her first little small. And she has been smiling ever since.
She was the most cooperative infant. Lay her down and she went to sleep.Wake her up and she would eat and go back to sleep.
Play with her and she would smile,smile, smile!
Such a laid back little personality. (She still seems to have it)
Her sister had been born with a strong personality.
She was completely opposite.
It gave me the opportunity to experience an infant in a different way.
As she grew she also developed a point where her laid back personality turned in a flash into a little "spit fire" personality. Although it took a lot of teasing by her sister or other experiences for her to show that side of herself. She is a Gemini, and she does have twin personalities to this day.
She is very creative. She most definitely decided very early that academics were a waste of time. She expressed herself with her desire to have beautiful things around her. She was compulsively neat, even as a small child.
She is now expressing that beauty for other people. She is a very talented and successful hair stylist.
Along with her creative ability came a highly intuitive ability. Like her mother, she senses things at times and seems to have unexplainable encounters with the energy of loved ones who were close to her but now passed on.
She feels very deeply. She honors the feelings of others as well.
She is a wonderful mother herself. She seemed to assume the role so naturally. Her son, my grandson, is a well cared for and balanced little boy.
On her Birthday I Honor her for becoming such a beautiful and caring woman.
May she Honor and Cherish herself always, as I do.
She is a true Light.
Happy Birthday Sweetheart,
Mom

Thursday, May 15, 2008
Good Memories
It seems that once I unburdened my heart and mind with all of the negative, I could allow some wonderful memories to come forth.
To read the story, follow the link.
http://www. oprah. com/community/blogs/debrae132/2008/05/16/are-our-senior-parents-disposible-human-beings-a-medical-nightmare

I am Thankful for the nurses who Lovingly Cared for Mom. We met quite a few who were very competent and comforting. These nurses would stop in to see how she was, even if they were not assigned to her floor.They would also express there concern for what was happening to her and try to guide us in taking action against the offenders.
Mom got lots of hugs and kisses from those "angels". She had three favorites who made her feel extremely worthwhile.
I remember after the second Haldol experience, when one of Mom's favorite nurses walked into her room at the start if her shift, and exclaimed" Oh my God ,Who did this to her?".She had been the nurse on duty the day before and was excited to see mom doing so well that day.She knew about the first experience and had expressed to me the day before "Your Mom is a Fighter". She will get through this".
When I told her what happened she cried. Real tears."I can't believe this" was all she could say.
Then there was the LPN who was there the first night in the private room. She whispered, "Don't let them get away with this. You need to get the Nursing Supervisor and the Patient Advocate involved to help you. I feel so sorry for you". She gave us the names of the appropriate people.to contact.She stayed sympathetic until the end. No harm came to Mom during the times that her "angel" nurses were working.
And lastly , the little petite "angel" who tried to save Mom in the end. She was the one who had shared Mom's chart with us during the previous week. She was the one who said "Make sure you get a copy of this chart".
She administered the final treatment to Mom after the lab work came back. But it was too late already. When Mom died, this "angel" fell to her knees at the foot of Mom's bed and cried uncontrollably. My daughter informed me, when I arrived at the hospital, that the other staff members had ordered her to go home.
My Thanks and Blessings go out to them. They know who they are. I hope that they continue to be a Light to other families in need.
I will never forget their kindness.

Sunday, May 04, 2008
Sometimes my horoscope is so right on.
Aquarius
January 20 - February 17
Today, dear Aquarius, you will be able to explore the power of your emotions. Don't try and fight what you call your "over sensitivity." A force from your childhood will permeate you and help you to find out what your real needs are. Shouldn't you think about staying away from the people who are a little too influential on you? Think about it and go with your emotions.
Wow!
I woke up this morning with a vivid early childhood memory.
I was about four years old and my mother & father were having a hushed conversation in the kitchen.I knew that I was not suppose to overhear them,but that only made me more curious. I quietly backed up to the wall in the dining room and tried to breathe very quietly.
They were speaking of an aquaintance who had just died. They were discussing how this person died and when the funeral would be.
Fear slowly and coldly swept through me. Died? Sounded to me as if the person would not be here anymore. How could that be?
I tried very hard to take my memory back as far as I could go. I could not remember "never existing". This must be a mistake.
I believe that I had my first panic attack at that moment.
I also know that it is the moment that my awareness of my Spiritual journey started.
That memory immediately spawned another.
I was about nine or ten years old. My second cousin,who was about three or four years old,was hit by a car and killed.
She was such an angelic little girl.I was amazed every time that I saw her,because she had the most perfect long blonde curly hair and the most precious cupid face.
My mother told me what had happened that day and I was very upset.
I went to bed that night and had just fallen asleep.
I awoke to a soft glow in my bedroom.
The pillow was wet and I realized that I had been thinking of Lou Ann and crying.
I opened my eyes. She was standing at the foot of my bed. She was dressed in a long white dress and was glowing all over .(As if she were washed in Light )
I pulled the covers up over my head in fear.
"I must be Dreaming" I told myself. " Take a deep breath and look again and I'm sure she will be gone".So that is what I did.I calmly took a long deep breath and checked with myself to make sure that I was awake. Then I slowly lowered the covers from over my head and looked to the foot of my bed.
SHE WAS STILL THERE!
O.K. Calm down. She is smiling so I must be safe.
I looked at her and she spoke to me. It was the voice of a child, but the wisdom of the ages.
She Said,"I am O.K. I am happy. Please do not cry over me." And then she was gone.
This was my first of many experiences with Spirit.
Every time the message is short and to the point. But everytime the message is exactly what I need to hear.
I told my mother about my experience the following morning. She listened patiently and then said ,"Lou Ann is an angel in heaven now."
Most likely she relayed to my father that I had "Such an imagination" ( that was a comment that I heard frequently through my childhood) I did not tell her that I knew where Lou Ann was. She was right here.Just a heartbeat away.She had not gone anywhere.
Oh well, If my horoscope is "right on" for today, It is only 10AM so I can expect a Very interesting day!
Rae

Feb.2, 2008
I had a Spirit Connection Dream last evening.
My Mothers Spirit came to me with the Spirit of Lou Ann.
She conveyed to me that she had made effort to find Lou Ann and to bring her to me so that I would know that they were together.My Mother was very happy that she could do this for me.
When I woke up I had a sense of great peace. Then a sense of great amusement!
My Mother spirit still holds the imprint of her personality.
If she were on earth and had read this blog, she would have been complelled to reassure me of Eternal Life and comfort me.
I guess not much has changed.
She is still quite involved in my life, only now it is from the other side.
I Love You Mom.
Rae



Sunday, May 04, 2008
Keep 132 in mind
Before my story goes any further, I must share the numbers 132 with you. This is the sequence of numbers that are connected to my mothers spirit.
I see 132 quite frequently ,especially when I have her in my thought.I can glance at the clock and there they are. I can be driving down the road and there they are again, on my odometer ,on a sign, on the radio in some fashion.

Mom lived in a house at street number 132 for 60 years.
She was born on the 21st of a month, my father,her life partner was born on the 3rd. Their birthday dates were a combination of 132.
I was born on Feb. (2) 3rd. A blend of both.
My first child was born on the 12th.
My second on the 21st.
Both were very connected.
Just like 11:11 seems to be a sign of the spiritual realm for some people, 132 has been that way for me since my mothers death.
When our doorbell rings and know one is there. When I awake at night and look at the clock.
I don't know why the number 132 is so connected. I guess it is because she chose to devote her life to her home and family. That humble little home was very hard for her to leave when she needed to go to Assisted living. In fact, I will venture to say that it as the second hardest thing that she ever did in her life. ( Losing my father was the hardest )
All I know is that I have been surrounded by the number 132 ever since. I am sensing that if I "Take care of business, This may stop.I guess I will see, as I am taking this infant to the top floor.

Sunday, May 04, 2008
The Story of A Medical Nightmare

My dreams will not let me forget.

This week has been active,especially at night! The intensity of my dreams are urging me to a new level. The dreams have been both Lucid and Spirit dreams. It started with just remembering a piece or two in the morning to what happened last night.
I was in a University of sorts. (My spirit dreams seem to all feature a building that symbolizes learning) I am carrying an infant under my arm.(New Idea? Venture? Direction?)This infant is depending on me to help it grow.(My Feeling) I am crossing a very busy street on campus. The cars are speeding past. I know that I must get to the other side safely. I navigate scared but skillfully across the street. When I get to the other side I see that I must cross a desert before I reach my destination.
Again I am gripped with fear.How can I keep this child safe? I carry it forward.I am alone. It is a hard journey, but I make it and so does the Child.
( I felt that crossing the street symbolized the 20 day nightmare of my mothers hospital stay until her death. The desert was this past year as I struggled to allow the events of those 20 days to be pushed from my mind so that I could function in my day to day responsibities and not fall apart)
We enter the University (Universal Realm)
We are told that we must go to the highest floor.(Forgiveness? I know that is where I must eventually get to ) We will not be allowed to take the elevator.
We must use the stairs.. The child is starting to look a little ragged now. I am concerned for it. My concerns are soothed and I am sent to the first set of stairs. I climb them without incident.( I feel as if Posting my first blog about this experience was the first flight of stairs)
We come to the second set of stairs. They do not look as sturdy as the first. Actually, they look a little dangerous. They are suspended on rope and moving as I step on them.When I get half way up, I see that there is a section missing.I stop in fear.The child ,who has been silent, begins to whimper.
I look behind me. A group of people are below. They are saying,"Keep Climbing! Reach for the next Section of stairs, It will be alright."
I am still afraid. I look up above the next section of stairs to where the next level will be. There are more people there. They are holding out their arms for us. "Keep Cimbing" they chant. My mothers face is in the middle of the group.
Yes Mom , I will not stay silent anymore.
I wake up with a start.

I have recorded the events of the final two weeks.
Those events,although sometimes bizarre,have changed the way I view our healthcare system.
To read the complete story follow the link below.
http://www. oprah. com/community/blogs/debrae132/2008/05/16/are-our-senior-parents-disposible-human-beings-a-medical-nightmare

Saturday, May 03, 2008
The Beginning of The End
May 20th is approaching quickly. This date is very significant to me, as I will always think of it as the first day of the end of my mothers' life.
My mother was 84 years old and in declining health.
She spent the last 20 days in the hospital. That hospital killed her. That is as certain in my mind as the sun rising every morning.
The medication errors started on day three. Even though we discovered the first error by day four, her Doctor did not take the time to read her chart , and it happened again.
As we kept a 24 hour vigil to keep her from additional harm, we did not notice that one of her most crucial medications was not being administered to her (an act of negligent ommission on the part of her Doctor).
That final act was too much for my mothers system to bear and she passed away on the evening of June 3rd.
I spent four months in total shock as to how all the mistakes could of possibly been made.
I have come to a place of acceptance, but not understanding.
I do not and can not trust the medical profession.
As I can think of those days now and not become 'unglued", I will start to share her story. In the hope that it may help stop the medical community from treating our elderly as disposable human beings.
I will share it a little at a time , as I kept a journal from day four until after her death.
Her Spirit seems to be urging me to do this. I will Honor that urge.